Nevermore
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: After Jervis Tetch rehabilitates himself, he returns to Arkham Asylum as a sane man to try to help his friend Jonathan Crane. It may yet be that the former Mad Hatter needs the Scarecrow's help more, however, when an unexpected visitor throws Tetch's newly sane world back into madness.
1. Chapter 1

**Nevermore**

A small man in a top hat and cane stood outside the large, foreboding gates of Arkham Asylum, looking up at the wrought iron sign. He pushed open the creaking hinges and made his way down the path until he reached the large, double doors of the asylum. Pushing them open, he entered the reception area, where many of the doctors and staff rushing around paused to stare at him, or do a double take, gazing at him in a mixture of shock, and barely concealed terror. Until one doctor speaking to the receptionist turned around and beamed at him.

"Jervis!" exclaimed Dr. Joan Leland, approaching him and holding out her hand. "Jervis Tetch! What a wonderful surprise!"

"Hello, Dr. Leland," he said, shaking her hand and smiling. She pulled him into a hug, which surprised him, but he returned it.

"It's so good to see you!" she said. "And you're looking so…sane!"

"Am I?" asked Tetch, smiling and adjusting his hat. "Well, that's good to hear. I certainly don't feel much different."

"Come into my office," she said, leading him down the hall. "I'm so pleased to see you again! I mean, it's almost unprecedented, a patient returning to Arkham Asylum, and not because of a relapse! I think you're the only inmate in recent memory who's managed to stay cured! It's such an achievement!"

"I take no credit for it, Dr. Leland," he said, sitting down in the chair across from her desk. "I was saved from my madness by a beautiful angel and her innocent child, sent from heaven. It is to them you owe your thanks."

"That's right, how is your goddaughter?" asked Dr. Leland, smiling.

He reached into his jacket and pulled out a photograph, handing it to her. "She's almost a year old now, if you can believe it," he said.

"I can't," admitted Dr. Leland, smiling at the picture. "But she's certainly the cutest baby I've ever seen."

"Isn't she?" said Tetch, beaming. "Look at her smiling face and tell me there's nothing you wouldn't do for her. Destroying madness itself was simple with such a blessing by my side."

"And how are Alice and Billy?" she asked.

"Very happy, as far as I can tell," replied Tetch, nodding. "As it should be. It gladdens my heart to see Alice smile. They are a very loving family," he said, taking the picture back from her. "And I am honored that they have let me share in even a little of their happiness."

Dr. Leland smiled at him. "You've come such a long way, Jervis," she murmured. "I remember when you were first brought here, after you tried to kill Billy and kidnap Alice, and now you all seem to have put the past behind you and live for that child's future. That's such a wonderful thing. You should be very proud of yourself."

"Not proud, Dr. Leland," he replied. "Grateful for their forgiveness. And their love."

"It must seem strange for you to be back here as a visitor," said Dr. Leland.

"Well, nothing much appears to have changed," replied Tetch.

"No, it never does," sighed Dr. Leland. "We've hired a couple new doctors – Joker went on a killing spree a few weeks ago."

"Any reason this time, or just a joke?" asked Tetch.

"Uh…I'm not…actually sure," said Dr. Leland, frowning. "We had a new doctor who introduced a new type of therapy – she believed that…uh…dancing was a good way to have the patients relax and release their tension so they'd be more responsive. Only the Joker and Poison Ivy got into a fight after the Joker claimed he was like Michael Jackson, because he was, in his own words, a fantastic dancer, and whiter than he should be naturally, but Ivy interpreted that as meaning he liked children. So he hit her, and she retaliated, and things escalated from there. Batman had to show up to stop the carnage, and when he arrived, the Joker challenged him to a dance off. And then Batman beat him unconscious."

"I…can't say I'm sorry to have missed all that," said Tetch, slowly.

"No," sighed Dr. Leland. "And I wish there was some way I could erase the image of Harley twerking against the Joker from my mind."

"I'm…afraid I don't know what that means," said Tetch.

"Be thankful for that," sighed Dr. Leland. She forced a smile. "Anyway, things are fairly calm here, for the moment. Two weeks without an incident might be a new record."

Tetch nodded. "How is Jonathan?" he asked, gently.

Dr. Leland was silent. "Quieter," she said. "I think he really misses you."

"I miss him too," murmured Tetch. "That's why I've come, actually, to visit him. If that's allowed."

"Of course, Jervis," said Dr. Leland, smiling. "You're a sane man now – you're free to do whatever you want."

"Yes, it is a strange belief most people have that to be sane is to be free," said Tetch, thoughtfully. "The reality is quite the opposite. The mad are free, because they are not bound by the chains of sanity. To be sane is to be enslaved to reality. To be mad is to be free."

He smiled. "But then what need does anyone have for freedom if they love their chains?" he asked. "And I love mine."

"At least you still talk nonsense, Jervis," said Dr. Leland, smiling. "I'm glad that hasn't changed."

She stood up. "If you'll follow me to the cell block. I know you know the way, but I'll escort you for form's sake."

Tetch nodded and followed her out of the room and down the corridor into where the inmates were kept.

"Well, look who it is!" came the mocking voice of the Joker, behind bars. "Speaking of Michael Jackson, the kiddie lover is back!"

"How do you do, Joker?" sighed Tetch, continuing on down the hall.

"Hiya, Jervis!" squeaked Harley Quinn, happily, waving from her cell. "Great to see you again!"

"You too, Harley," he replied, sincerely.

He returned the greetings of his former fellow inmates until they reached the cell of Jonathan Crane, otherwise known as the Scarecrow. He was reading a book, but looked up and noticed Tetch. A look of astonishment and delight passed over his face.

"Jervis?" he gasped. "You're back?"

"Just visiting," said Tetch, smiling gently at him.

"Oh, I get it!" exclaimed the Joker, grinning. "Conjugal visit time, eh, boys? Everyone, avert your gaze – this is gonna be creepy."

"Actually, Joker, I think it's about time for the exercise yard," snapped Dr. Leland, checking her watch. "Everyone outside! Except you, Jonathan. Should give you a chance to talk in private," she said, squeezing Tetch's shoulder.

"Thank you," he murmured, as the other inmates were led outside. The door to the cell block slammed shut, leaving Tetch and Crane alone.

There was silence between them for a moment as they both tried to think of something to say. "Well, come on inside," said Crane, fiddling the lock on the cell door and throwing it open. "Cup of tea?" he asked, holding up the kettle.

"Yes, please," said Tetch, gratefully, sitting down opposite him. There was silence again as they waited for the kettle to boil.

"How…how are you doing, Jonathan?" asked Tetch, gently.

"As well as can be expected," retorted Crane, pouring water into the mugs. "For a lunatic locked in an asylum without any hope of reprieve."

He handed a mug to him. "How's the outside world?" he asked.

"Oh, not particularly pleasant," retorted Tetch, shrugging. "But it has its moments."

They fell silent again. "Would you like to see a picture of my goddaughter?" he asked, reaching into his jacket to pull out the photo again and handing it to Crane.

Crane smiled. "She's a delightful child. I'm very happy for you, Jervis."

"Thank you," said Tetch, softly. He sipped his tea. "Dr. Leland says there's been some trouble? Something to do with Joker and dancing, and something called twerking? Nonsense word if I ever heard one."

"Oh yes, that," sighed Crane. "Yes, be grateful you weren't here. A man of my intellect, forced to perform rhythmic motions like some trained monkey! I wasn't sorry when the Joker killed that wretched doctor, I can tell you that."

"I don't think I would have been either," replied Tetch, smiling.

"Aren't the sane always sorry when people die?" retorted Crane. "Isn't valuing human life what sane people do?"

"Perhaps…not all sane people," said Tetch, slowly. "Look, Jonathan, I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm sorry to have left you here alone, and you have every right to be upset with me…"

"I'm not upset with you," he said, sighing. "I'm just upset with…life. I'm upset things had to work out the way they did, with me alone in here, and you free out there. This isn't a very nice place without anyone real to talk to, you know."

"I wouldn't blame you if you were angry with me…" murmured Tetch.

"Angry? No. Envious, maybe. Jealous, that you're free. That you have a reason to be free…" he trailed off. "I'm happy for you, Jervis," he whispered. "Truly. But I am sorry for myself. You were the only friend I ever had, and now you're gone."

"Maybe you could try making a new friend," said Tetch. "What about Mr. Nygma? He's got quite a vast intellect."

Crane snorted. "He thinks he does," he muttered. "But a truly intelligent man has no need to show off the way he does. He's more arrogant than intelligent, and not the kind of man who tends to be very sympathetic. And one cannot be friends without sympathy and trust and kindness. Mr. Nygma has none of these attributes."

"I do intend to visit very frequently from now on," said Tetch.

"It's not really the same though, is it?" sighed Crane.

"Well, we can still share a cup of tea," said Tetch, forcing a smile. "And that will never change, Jonathan. Nor will my friendship."

Crane smiled and they were silent again, but it was more of a content silence, rather than an awkward one. "You must let me know if there is anything I can do to help you," said Tetch, suddenly. "You know, to regain your own sanity."

Crane laughed. "It's good to hear you still talk nonsense, Jervis," he replied. "Thinking I can rehabilitate myself."

"Why not?" asked Tetch. "I did."

"You had a reason," murmured Crane.

"You will find a reason," assured Tetch, firmly. "You're intelligent enough to know that life is full of cruelty, horror, and disappointment. You are perhaps not quite naive enough to believe that the world is full of wonderful things. But it is, Jonathan. This world is a wonderland. It's all in the way you look at it, in your mind."

"I wish I could believe that, Jervis," murmured Crane. "But experience has taught me otherwise."

Tetch smiled. "You rely too much on reality and facts and experience, Jonathan," he murmured. "You need to start relying on faith."

"Faith in what?" snapped Crane. "God? If He exists, He and I are not friends."

"Yourself," replied Tetch. "You are my friend, Jonathan. And you are worth much more than what you have become. I didn't used to believe that about myself, but Alice and her child taught me that it was true. I wish I could help teach you."

"I'm the Professor here, Jervis," retorted Crane, dryly. "And I'm a little old to be learning lessons now, don't you think?"

"Only if you refuse to learn," retorted Tetch. "And that's not the Jonathan I know. His mind was always curious and hungry for knowledge. He can't give up now."

He clapped him on the shoulder. "Promise me you'll try."

"Jervis, in my life trying has always been the first step towards failure," retorted Crane. Tetch just looked at him, and he sighed. "I'll try," he muttered.

Tetch beamed. "Excellent. I know you can do it, Jonathan." He finished his tea and stood up. "I shall visit again soon, but now I shall leave you to get some fresh air. It will do you good. Nothing so helps a troubled mind as a walk in the sunshine."

"It's raining," muttered Crane, glancing out the window.

"All the more impressive for the sun to be shining then," said Tetch, smiling. He tipped his hat. "Good day, Jonathan."

He strolled from the cell block, murmuring, "_The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might: he did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright- and this was odd, because it was the middle of the night._"

Crane smiled. "At least some things never change," he murmured, heading out into the rain.


	2. Chapter 2

Crane walked through the grounds of Arkham Asylum, hands in his pockets and thinking hard. "Would you please stay on the path?" snapped Poison Ivy, startling him. She was glaring at his feet, and he noticed that he was walking on the grass. "How would you like it if I casually trampled your babies?" she demanded.

"Sorry," said Crane, stepping back onto the path, heedless of the mud that stained his shoes. The mud that only got worse as he came around the back of the asylum, where the heavy rain had turned the yard into one giant puddle. Which didn't seem to bother the Joker, who was drenched from head to foot in mud and smiling from ear to ear as he held Edward Nygma's head under the water.

"Minute and a half, Eddie, that's a new record!" he shouted as Nygma struggled against him. "Keep going!"

"J, don't kill him!" growled Two-Face, stepping forward to separate them.

"You intellectually inferior brute!" gasped Nygma, sputtering and glaring at Joker. "I'll get you for this!"

"Yeah, whatcha gonna do?" asked Joker, grinning. "Ask me a really tough riddle and throw a hissy fit when I don't answer it?"

"I'm going to tell Dr. Leland!" he snapped, striding off.

"Yeah, that's right, chicken, go tell Mommy!" called Joker. "Can't settle this man to man. Always knew he was a coward…" he began, but Nygma suddenly turned around and rushed at him, leaping on top of him and shoving him down into the mud.

"Let go of Mr. J!" shrieked Harley, kicking Nygma back with a swift blow to the jaw. "Are you ok, puddin'?"

"Fine, pooh," replied Joker, grinning as he wiped the mud from his face. "But Eddie's gonna pay for that."

He grabbed Nygma again, shoving his face down into a muddy flower bed. "Y'know, it's a shame old Basil Karlo ain't here," he sighed. "He would love this!"

"He'd probably be pissed at you for throwing people in the mud, being mostly made outta it himself," muttered Two-Face.

"J, let go of him!" shouted Poison Ivy, rushing over to try to free Nygma. "He's going to crush my babies with his stupid face!"

"Wouldn't be the first guy to have choked in your garden, huh, toots?" chuckled Joker.

Two-Face punched him hard in the jaw, knocking him back into the mud. Harley shrieked and rushed at him, and soon all the inmates were in a fight, punching and kicking and throwing mud at each other.

Crane watched them from a slight distance, sighing. "Bunch of children," he muttered, walking away as the Arkham guards rushed to separate them. They certainly acted like children most of the time, but Crane felt too old to join in their stupid games now.

His childhood had never been a very happy one – the bullying he had suffered had turned him into the man he was today. A lonely, bitter, twisted shell of a man. A homicidal lunatic. He had always hoped that one day the shadow of his childhood would pass, and he would finally be able to move on and find something useful to do with his life. But moving on was an illusion. Nobody ever escaped their past, and Crane's childhood had haunted him his whole life. He was sick of it haunting him now. He wanted to leave it all behind and just grow up. But he didn't know how.

He sat down on the wet grass under the dripping leaves of an oak tree, leaning back against the cold bark and trying to think. He was startled from his thoughts by an unusual sound, a strange cheeping noise on the ground near him. He moved aside some leaves at the foot of the tree and saw a tiny black object squirming in the grass, cheeping desperately and trying to flap featherless stubs of wings. It was a baby bird, newly hatched, its eyes still shut, surrounded by the shell of its egg.

"You must have fallen out of your nest," murmured Crane, looking up into the branches of the tree. "Or been pushed," he thought, judging by the shells of the egg around the fallen bird. He stood up, studying the lower branches, and found the nest, where he saw an adult raven feeding a worm to the six other hatchlings in the nest, who were also cheeping. The baby birds nipped at each other, fighting to get to the food first.

Crane had read once that sometimes if bird eggs didn't hatch, or didn't hatch in time, the parent would assume it was dead in its shell and push it out of its nest to make room for the babies which had. And clearly the competition for food was fierce in this particular nest – the mother raven clearly had her hands full to feed her large and ravenous brood.

Crane knew that he should probably pick the fallen fledgling up and restore it to its nest, but looking down at its blind, desperate flailing, and comparing that to the fierce fighting in the nest, he wondered if it might lose out on the competition for food and starve to death anyway. After all, survival was for the fittest, not the weak and helpless. This particular baby bird had hatched late, was small and unfit and abandoned by its parents. Nature probably intended it to die. He should let nature take its course.

But some measure of sympathy and pity stirred in Crane's heart, sympathy and pity that he had long since thought he could never feel for any living thing. He bent down, shushing the little bird gently, as he lay down his handkerchief beside it. The bird slowly crawled into it, and he picked it up, wrapping it in the warmth. "Now you mustn't be afraid anymore," he murmured, as the bird's panicked cheeping gradually turned to sleepy confusion. He stroked a finger down its small, shivering body. "I'm going to look after you now."

The bird cheeped again, and then began to relax, the warmth lulling it to sleep. Crane smiled. He had never had a pet before, but he was already incredibly attached to this one. He hoped Dr. Leland would let him keep it, although he didn't see any reason why she would object. He was only going to take care of it until it was strong enough and healthy enough to fend for itself, and then he would let it fly away. Release it into the wild, give it its freedom. And the bird would go and be free and leave him, just like everything else he had ever cared about.

He shook his head. No good brooding over Jervis and his lost friendship now – something small and weak and vulnerable needed him. Perhaps that was how Jervis had felt when he held Alice's baby for the first time. Perhaps that was why he had cured himself for her. Well, this bird was not a child, but it was the closest Crane had to one at the moment. And he was going to do his best to help it.


	3. Chapter 3

Jervis Tetch hummed happily to himself as prepared his supper of grilled oysters. "_'A loaf of bread,' the Walrus said, 'Is what we chiefly need: pepper and vinegar besides are very good indeed - now if you're ready, Oysters dear, we can begin to feed,'_" he said, removing the oysters from the oven and placing them on a plate. He was cutting the bread when a knocking came on his door.

"Now I wonder who that could be," he said to himself, frowning as he went to answer it. "Most rude to interrupt a man when he's preparing his supper. Very ill-mannered indeed."

He opened the door, and suddenly beamed. "Alice! What a pleasant surprise!"

"Hello, Jervis," said Alice Dodgson, holding her daughter in her arms and smiling at him. But Tetch sensed a slight uneasiness behind the smile, an uneasiness or an unhappiness. Something was troubling her.

"Uh…may I come in?" she asked slowly.

"Yes, of course," he said, holding the door open for her and ushering her inside. "Come in and get warm. Little Alice looks positively frozen!" he said, pinching the baby's cheek. She giggled happily.

Alice's daughter was named Catherine Alice Dodgson, but Tetch never called her Catherine. To him, she was always Little Alice.

"Do you like oysters?" he asked. "I've just prepared supper, and I'd be happy to share."

"Oh…no, thank you, Jervis," said Alice. "And I'm really sorry to interrupt you when you're in the middle of dinner…"

"My dear, I would prefer to starve to death rather than miss a visit from you," he retorted. "Although I must say it is unexpected. Is something the matter? Where is Billy?"

Tears came to Alice's eyes, which she tried vainly to conceal. "Uh…he's…uh…at home," she whispered, taking the seat Tetch offered by the fireplace. She took a deep breath. "Look, Jervis, I'm really sorry to put you in this position, but I didn't know where else to go. I didn't know who else I could trust, but you've always been a true friend to me, and I know…you'll believe me."

"Believe what, my dear?" he asked, concerned. "What is it?"

Catherine held out her arms to Tetch, giggling, and Alice handed her to him. While Catherine curled up on Tetch'a lap, Alice stared into the fire, playing nervously with her hands. "Billy's…uh…Billy's fallen in with…kinda a bad crowd," she whispered. "Some people he's met through work…bad people, y'know?"

"Criminals?" asked Tetch, quietly.

"I wouldn't be surprised," she said, nodding. "Anyway, they've…changed him. He…he stays out late, he drinks, I call him and he doesn't pick up his phone…I dunno where he is half the time…" she trailed off, tears in her eyes. "I just don't want him to do something stupid," she whispered. "Something that he'll regret, or something that'll hurt him or me or Catherine. So tonight I confronted him and told him he had to stop seeing these friends of his. We fought. We've never…fought like that before…he…he didn't take it well..."

She trailed off, tears in her eyes, as she absently raised a hand to her cheek. Tetch stared at her. "Did he hit you?" he whispered, aghast.

"Not…not hard," she murmured. "Anyway, that was the final straw. I couldn't stay after that. I grabbed Catherine and told him I wasn't gonna come back until he decided what was more important to him – these people, or his family. And…and then I left. And I came here. And I'm so sorry to put you in the middle of this…"

"Do not apologize," interrupted Tetch. "Do not ever apologize to me. What you did took a lot of courage, my dear, but it was right. You know that, don't you?"

She nodded, tears trailing down her cheek. "He's…he's not like this, Jervis!" she gasped, burying her face in her hands. "I dunno what's wrong with him! But he's not acting like the man I married! I keep telling myself he's just going through a rough time, but it's not fair to make me suffer for that! It's not fair to make Catherine suffer…"

She broke down sobbing. Catherine began wailing at seeing her mother in tears, and Tetch shushed her gently. "Alice, my love, you must let me talk to him," he murmured. "I'm sure I can make him see what a fool he's being…"

"He won't listen to reason, Jervis," she murmured. "I've tried."

"Then perhaps he needs to speak to someone who is famous for being unreasonable," he murmured. "And talking nonsense."

She forced a smile. "I appreciate the thought, Jervis," she murmured, taking his hand. "But I don't want you to get any more involved than you have already. This is between me and Billy, and we have to sort it out between the two of us." She took a deep breath. "I know it's a lot to ask, but until we do…can Catherine and I stay here?"

"Of course, my dear, you don't even need to ask that," he said, firmly. "You must have my room. I'll stay out here on the sofa…"

"Jervis, I can't kick you out of your own room…" she began.

"Everything I have I owe to you," he interrupted. "And therefore the room is yours."

She smiled sadly. "Thank you," she whispered. "You don't have to do any of this…"

"What do you expect me to do, my dear?" he asked. "Send you and your beautiful child back to a man who would strike you? Or perhaps you would rather I throw you out on the streets? I am not a madman anymore, remember, and even when I was, I could never have behaved so cruelly toward you."

"You're so sweet, Jervis," she whispered, pressing his hand tightly. "Thank you."

Catherine had curled up in Tetch's arms and was now napping contentedly against him. Alice took her back gently, taking great care not to wake her up. "I…uh…I'll see you tomorrow," she whispered, standing up and heading for the bedroom. "Goodnight."

Tetch caught her hand. "Alice, if…if he continues to be unreasonable…if no words you say can convince him that he needs to take care of his family…I can…if necessary…control his mind to make him see reason."

She stared at him. "You'll go back to Arkham if they catch you…" she began.

"Your happiness is worth that, my dear," he interrupted.

She smiled. "We'll…try to work things out on our own. But thank you for the offer, Jervis. Thank you for everything."

She drew close to him and planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Goodnight," she whispered.

She entered the bedroom and shut the door. Tetch stared after her, sinking down in his chair and running his fingers through his hair, trying to process all that she had told him. When he had first met Billy, he had judged him as the worst of men, but that had been primarily because he was jealous of him. His opinion had changed the more time he spent with him, and he could hardly believe that he had been right in his estimation all along. It just didn't make any sense. It didn't seem…right somehow. It was all wrong. Alice and Catherine being here was all wrong. It was nonsense.

He buried his face in his hands. "Not again," he whispered. "Once you start down that path, it's a slippery slope into madness. I can't fall down that rabbit hole again. I can't. I mustn't. I can't return to Wonderland."

But with Alice here at last, he wondered if he really had a choice.


	4. Chapter 4

"Morning, Johnny! How's the patient?" asked Harley Quinn as she and the Joker entered the cafeteria. Harley took a seat next to Crane and began cooing over the fledgling, who had sprouted some soft, stubbly feathers over its otherwise bald body. It cheeped happily and nuzzled against her finger, and then began flapping its wings and chirping eagerly at Crane, who was feeding it from a plate of maggots.

"Fine, Harley," he replied, smiling. "Progressing very rapidly, aren't you, my precious?" he asked, holding a maggot over its beak. The fledgling devoured it eagerly, holding open its beak for more.

"Wow, the food in here gets worse every day!" chuckled the Joker. "Speaking of food, my own pets certainly wouldn't mind taking a bite outta yours, Johnny. You should introduce him to Bud and Lou someday."

"I have no intention of letting _her _anyway near your hyenas, thank you, Joker," snapped Crane.

"How do you know it's a girl bird?" asked Harley.

"Uh…the same way you…always determine gender," said Crane.

"What, IQ test?" laughed Joker.

Poison Ivy walked past and punched him in the back of the head. "Geez, learn to take a joke, Pammie!" he called after her. "Well, that's kinda nice for you, Johnny, ain't it?" he asked, turning back to Crane and beaming. "There's one dame on this earth who enjoys your company! Course she's the wrong species, and I think it's mostly because you feed her, but take what you can get, I guess."

Crane glared at him and continued to feed the bird. "Got a name for her?" asked Harley. "I'd call her Missy."

"Why?" asked Crane.

Harley shrugged. "She looks like a Missy."

"Well, much as I hate to disagree with you, Harley, I'm not sure Missy the Raven is an entirely suitable name," said Crane, stroking the bird's breast with his finger as it cooed happily. "It doesn't inspire the necessary gravitas such a bird usually possesses. Anyway, I've already given her the name Lenore."

"What kinda stupid name is that?" asked the Joker.

"It's from the poem _The Raven_, Mr. J," explained Harley. "By Edgar Allan Poe. We studied it in college."

Joker's eyes narrowed. "All right, Little Miss College, if you're so smart," he growled. "What's ten times a hundred?"

"Uh…a thousand," said Harley, puzzled. "I learned that one in elementary school, Mr. J…"

Joker stood up furiously. "Oh, think you're too good for me, do ya?!" he demanded. "Well, fine, I don't want a nerdy dame anyway! Why doncha just date Johnny if you wanna be with one of your own kind?!"

"Puddin', I never said…" began Harley, shocked.

"You didn't have to say it!" he shouted. "Showing off and being a know-it-all, it was implied! Well, I ain't never needed book smarts to get where I am today!"

"What, a mental institution?" muttered Crane. "Yes, what an achievement."

Joker glared at him, and then suddenly struck at Lenore, knocking the baby bird off the table and onto the ground. She cheeped wildly in terror, flapping her wings uselessly, and Crane rushed to pick her up, soothing her gently.

"Mr. J, what kinda mean thing was that to do?!" demanded Harley, angrily. "That bird didn't do nothing to you!"

Joker shrugged. "It was funny," he muttered, storming off.

"I'm so sorry, Johnny," said Harley, sincerely. "Is she all right?"

"I think so – just startled," he murmured, trying to calm the terrified bird. "There, there, my beauty, it's all right. Shh. There's no need to be frightened."

"Mr. J can be such a jerk sometimes," sighed Harley.

"Try _all _the time," muttered Poison Ivy, slamming her tray down next to Harley and taking a seat. "New diet, Johnny?" she asked, noticing the plate of maggots in front of him.

"It's for Lenore," he said, nodding at the bird, who he placed gently back onto the table. She studied Ivy curiously, and then tentatively began hopping up her arm.

"Aw, she likes you, Red!" exclaimed Harley.

"That's nice, although I'm not really an animal person…" began Ivy. Then she shrieked. "Oh God, get it outta my hair! It's trying to nest or something!"

"My pretty, no!" exclaimed Crane, grabbing the bird away from Ivy's hair, although it had already become entangled in it and pulled out several strands in its talons. "I'm terribly sorry, Pamela, she must have confused you with a tree or something…"

"I hate animals!" shrieked Ivy, massaging her scalp tenderly and rushing from the room to examine the damage.

"Geez, you're kinda a magnet for trouble, ain't ya, Lenore?" asked Harley, as Lenore cheeped in confusion, looking up at Crane.

"Well, traditionally ravens are considered to be harbingers of bad luck," said Crane. "Due to their association with death and carnage. But personally I can't think of a more fitting companion for the God of Fear."

He placed Lenore back on the table, and she hopped up his arm and perched on his shoulder, settling herself there contentedly.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" asked a voice from the doorway.

"Jervis! You're back!" exclaimed Harley, beaming at him as he sat down next to them. "Couldn't stay away from the old nuthouse, huh?"

"I'm just visiting," replied Tetch. "Wanted to see how everyone was doing. And I can see at least something's changed in my absence this time," he said, nodding at the raven. "Might I be properly introduced?"

"Of course," said Crane, smiling. "Jervis, this is Lenore. Lenore, Jervis."

"How do you do?" asked Tetch, holding out a hand to the bird. She studied it quizzically, and then hopped onto it. He gently stroked her and she cooed happily, settling down in the palm of his hand.

"She likes you," said Crane.

"The feeling is mutual," replied Tetch, smiling. "But where did she come from?"

"Fell out of her nest," explained Crane. "And I don't quite know…what came over me, but I couldn't just leave her lying helpless on the ground."

"Yes, a man has a duty to help those in need," murmured Tetch. "The weak and vulnerable who…need him."

He stroked the bird absently and then cleared his throat. "I wonder if I might…have a word, Jonathan."

"Yes, of course, Jervis, go right ahead," replied Crane.

"In…uh…private," said Tetch, glancing pointedly at Harley.

"Gotcha, Jervis, say no more!" said Harley, standing up and beaming. "I sympathize, y'know. Ain't nothing more annoying than me and Mr. J wanting a little private time as a couple and having a third wheel just sitting there preventing us from being intimate."

"We're not a couple!" called Crane after her as she skipped off. "I personally have a passion for women who are familiar with the works of Edgar Allan Poe!"

"I don't think you actually have a chance there, Jonathan," said Tetch, gently.

"Never say never," retorted Crane.

"Well…yes, quite," murmured Tetch. "I suppose in the end who's to say what sort of hopes are nonsensical and what sort are not? It's difficult, sanity, y'know, because they expect you to have things like common sense but…but I find sense such an incredibly uncommon thing, Jonathan."

"What's the trouble?" asked Crane, looking in concern at his friend.

Tetch continued to pet Lenore. "Alice and Catherine have…come to stay with me," he murmured. "Alice…fought with her husband a few weeks ago, some sort of dreadful altercation, and he…he struck her. She assures me it was light, but the idea of anyone ever raising a hand to her is…well, it's appalling, Jonathan."

He sighed heavily. "So she left. Took Catherine and came to me. She assures me that she has spoken to her husband on the phone, and she has visited him almost daily to try to work this out. But he's fallen in with a bad crowd of people and refuses to see reason. Alice is desperately unhappy with the whole situation, and who can blame her? And it's tortuous seeing her unhappy. When she comes home from seeing him in tears…it's more than I can bear. But I don't know what to do."

"I don't think there's anything you_ can _do except wait for them to work things out," replied Crane. "And look after her and Catherine, which I'm sure you're accomplishing admirably."

Tetch nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, so I thought at first. But as the weeks pass, I find myself…against my will…wondering what would happen if…if they fail to work things out between them. I find myself hoping, as foolish and selfish as it is, that the rift between them might be irreparable. And that she might…might…want me…"

"Jervis, no," said Crane, firmly. "No, you can't go down this road again. You've resolved those feelings for her. I know you will always love her, but it has to be a platonic love, you know that."

"I do," he said, nodding firmly. "I do. The rational, sane man in me knows that. The madman in me, however, the madman who can never…never fully be cured…taunts me with the insanity of hope. We…we make a good family, Jonathan. Catherine adores me. And Alice…I know I could make her happy if she would only give me a chance…"

"She's a married woman, Jervis," said Crane, gently. "She made a vow…"

"Yes, yes, and I would hate for her to break it," said Tetch, nodding. "Especially if it were for me. I would hate myself for making her break it. But…but I do love her, Jonathan. And I can't control…that is, I _can _control my actions, because I am not mad, but I never have and never will be able to control my feelings. Especially not for her."

He buried his face in his hands. "I hate myself for these thoughts and feelings," he whispered. "I want my better self to win out – I want Alice and Billy to reconcile, and I want Catherine to be able to live at home with her parents. Consciously I want all of that. But selfishly I want…I want them both to stay with me forever and ever. And I hate myself for it."

Crane shook his head slowly. "You cannot be blamed for your feelings," he murmured. "But when you feel them, consider what would happen if your dreams and desires came true, and Alice agreed to love you. And then imagine what would happen to your friendship if she ever stopped loving you. I'm no relationship expert, obviously, but I understand it is very difficult to remain on amiable terms with people you used to love. You might lose contact with Catherine – she might be removed from your life. Could you risk all that? Could you risk your future with your goddaughter for a selfish whim?"

Tetch was silent. Lenore had hopped off his hand and returned to perching on Crane's shoulder. He stroked down her breast gently. "I understand that love is meant to bring out all that is good inside us," he whispered. "If your feelings might result in you losing the best thing that ever happened to your life…then it is not love, Jervis. You must remain sane and strong for love's sake."

Tetch smiled. "And I must work harder to get you out of here," he murmured, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "You are not mad, Jonathan. Or there is a wisdom in insanity such as sanity could never hope to compete with."

He stood up. "You have done me a good turn. I will do one for you in exchange. On my way through the grounds I passed a couple workmen on their way to lunch who were working on the cellar. One mentioned to the other that he had left the cellar door unlocked, but the other refused to go back since he was on his lunch break. I suggest you take advantage of his carelessness, and I will hopefully see you soon."

He tipped his hat and strode off. Crane took a moment to process what he had said, and then stood up. "Come along, my beauty," he murmured, petting Lenore and smiling. "I'm taking you home."


	5. Chapter 5

"I know, my dear, I myself am not particularly fond of carrots," said Jervis Tetch sympathetically, as he held a spoon of mashed carrots in front of Catherine's mouth, which was resolutely closed. "Rabbit food, to my mind, and not suitable for human consumption. But then I suppose if a rabbit wears a waistcoat, he has human attributes, and therefore we should try to understand them and embrace aspects of their diet. And if you want the White Rabbit to visit you, you mustn't offend him by refusing his food. And you do want the White Rabbit to visit you, so you can go to Wonderland, Alice. So you see you must eat it. Perfectly sensible, wouldn't you agree?"

Catherine hadn't understood a word, but slowly opened her mouth to admit the spoon. She made a face as she chewed and swallowed. "Now wash the taste out of your mouth," he said, helping her drink from the cup of juice. "That wasn't so bad, was it, my dear? And now you will only dream of white rabbits and Wonderland."

The front door opened at that moment and Alice entered the room, putting down her bag and taking off her coat. Her eyes were red from crying, and her whole body slouched in an attitude of unhappiness and defeat. But she smiled when she saw her daughter and the empty bowl in front of her. "She ate all her carrots again? You're a miracle worker, Jervis."

"I merely explain the necessity of eating them, my dear," he replied. "Little Alice is smart enough to understand, aren't you, my love?" he asked, helping her out of the high chair. She giggled happily as he handed her over to her mother.

"You're so good with her," Alice sighed.

"Well, I'm a poor substitute for her father, but I do what I can," replied Tetch. "How…uh…is her father?"

Tears came to Alice's eyes. "Uh…I'll tell you after I put Catherine to bed. Come on, sweetie," she said, heading for the bedroom.

Tetch sighed. That didn't sound good. He was this close to doing something drastic like going over to confront Billy himself and mind controlling him into seeing sense. He couldn't bear to just sit back and watch Alice's misery for much longer.

She shut the door several minutes later and came over to the fire, sitting down in the chair. "Drink, my dear?" he asked, holding up a bottle of wine.

She nodded. "Might help," she murmured. "Thank you," she said, taking the glass from him.

"You don't need to tell me if it's…too painful…" he murmured.

"No. No, you need to hear this," she whispered, shutting her eyes. "It involves you, after all."

"Me?" said Tetch, surprised.

She nodded again. "Billy told me to…thank you," she murmured. "For taking such good care of his family when he was unable to do so. He _is _unable to take care of us…he…he told me the truth tonight, you see, and the situation is worse than I ever could have imagined…"

She took a long sip of wine. "Billy…_has _fallen in with a bad crowd, just like I thought," she murmured. "But he realized it pretty soon after he got into the mess, and wanted to get out of it. But they wouldn't let him leave. They made threats against me and Catherine if he didn't comply and do exactly what he was told."

She drained her glass. "It's nothing…too bad. I mean, he's not killing anyone. He's only sent to pick up packages from people and things like that. But it's illegal stuff that could get him into trouble if he was ever caught. So he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. But the guys he works for have told him they'll let him leave on one condition."

"And that is?" asked Tetch.

She gazed at him. "It…uh…involves you," she whispered.

"Me?"

"Yes. They know about your connection to our family. They know you'll do almost anything to keep us safe. But this…this…I can't ask you to do this, Jervis," she whispered.

"Just tell me, Alice, and I'll decide for myself if I will do it," murmured Tetch.

She nodded slowly, reaching for the bottle of wine and pouring herself another drink. She took a long, slow gulp of this and then looked into his eyes. "These people…had some dealings with the Scarecrow a while back. Dealings which didn't go well. They want revenge. They want the Scarecrow dead. They want…you to kill him."

"Kill…Jonathan?" gasped Tetch, horrified.

She nodded again. "They think it will be better to have you do it – his best friend, someone he trusts…he won't see it coming. No difficulty in getting close to him, which there might be with a hired assassin. I mean, he's not a careless man, and he's not a particularly trusting man. Except…he trusts you."

Tetch shook his head. "I cannot do that," he said, firmly. "It's impossible. Quite impossible."

"I know," she murmured, tears in her eyes. "I know. But I don't know what else to do. Billy says he's afraid they'll hurt him or us if we don't convince you to do it, but I can't convince you to do anything like that and still be able to live with myself! The only choices open to us are utterly horrible! I can't ask you to…I can't…"

"Who are these people, my dear?" asked Tetch. "Give me names, and I will get rid of them for you."

"You can't," she whispered. "They're an organization with hundreds of members. And anyway, there's no time. They've told Billy he has to have you do it by Friday. If the Scarecrow isn't dead by then...there's no telling what they'll do to him. Or us."

She buried her face in her hands. "I'm so sorry to put you in this position, Jervis!" she sobbed. "I can't think of any way to get us out of this! But I can't ask you to choose between your best friend or us! No one should ever have to make that choice!"

Tetch was silent. "Maybe the price of great love is great pain," he murmured. "And a willingness to sacrifice everything for that."

He sighed heavily. "I suppose the question really is, could I live with myself when I had the opportunity to save your life, and did nothing? Any action is better than inaction. And at least I am given the choice of which life is more important to me: the life of my love, or the life of my best friend."

"You can't do this, Jervis…"

"I am sure…Jonathan would understand," murmured Tetch. "I am sure in my position, he would do the same. I cannot claim to love you and then not be willing to anything for that love, no matter how horrible. That's…that's not nonsense, is it? No, I do not believe it is."

"Jervis, please…"

"By Friday, you say? Yes, I suppose I can…have it done by Friday. So worry no more, my dear. I will see it done," said Tetch, quietly but firmly.

Alice stared at him. "Jervis…"

"The decision has been made," he interrupted. "Three lives for the price of one. I am sure Jonathan would be honored that he is so valued. I hope he will always know how much I value him. But it is a simple equation with a simple solution. He must die. He will understand. I know him."

Alice gazed at him, breathing heavily, with tears in her eyes. Then she suddenly embraced him, kissing him passionately. Tetch returned it – he couldn't help it. "No…woman could ever ask for a better man," she whispered, drawing away and gazing at him.

She leaned forward to kiss him again, but he put a hand to her lips. "No, you're…you're married," he stammered. "And you've had…too much wine, I suspect."

"Jervis, if you are really going to do this for me, I have to do something for you," she whispered. "That's the only way I can live with myself – if this isn't a favor. If it's a deal. An exchange. Something I want desperately for something…you want desperately."

"My dear, I can't…accept that," he gasped. "You know I can't…not from a married woman, and not from my friend. We could never see each other again without knowing what had passed between us. It would ruin everything."

"Jervis, I can't…"

"No, my dear, _I _can't," he interrupted. "Now you must go to bed, and leave everything with me. I will put it all to rights."

He strode from the room without another word, entering the kitchen and shutting the door. He sank down on the ground, leaning against it, and began to cry silently. "I hope you can forgive me for what I have to do, Jonathan," he whispered. "I hope I can forgive myself."


	6. Chapter 6

"So…do you like tea, Edward?"

"Not really."

"I see," said Jonathan Crane, and an awkward silence descended upon him and Edward Nygma. It was one of many such silences since Crane had invited Nygma round in the hopes of strengthening their friendship. He was going to need a friend in Arkham, after all, and since Tetch was out of the picture, Nygma had seemed like the next best option. But conversation was difficult.

"Do you like riddles?" asked Nygma, breaking the silence.

"Not really," replied Crane.

"I see," said Nygma. "Well, I did have a rather splendid one about tea, but I won't share it now."

"Oh…"

"All right, if you insist, I will," said Nygma, excitedly. "I go in dry and come out wet. I get stronger and stronger the longer I stay in. What am I?"

"Ra's al Ghul in a Lazarus Pit," retorted Crane, dryly.

"What does that have to do with tea?" asked Nygma, annoyed. "I told you, it's a riddle about tea! Now guess the answer if you can, or give up."

"It was a joke, Edward," said Crane.

"I don't like jokes," retorted Nygma. "The Joker always thinks he's so clever with his, but you don't have to be clever to tell jokes. Any idiot can do that."

"Can you?" asked Crane.

"I would never demean myself by sinking to the Joker's level of humor," retorted Nygma. "Just answer the riddle."

Crane sighed heavily.

"Do you give up?" pressed Nygma. "Do you admit I'm smarter than you?"

"I admit you're better at riddles than I am," replied Crane. "Whether that actually has any bearing on intelligence or not, I'm willing to debate."

"It has to do with thinking outside the box, Jonathan," explained Nygma, patronizingly. "Any idiot can know stuff. True intelligence is taking that knowledge and using it in creative ways."

"Oh, you mean like inventing a toxin that makes people hallucinate their deepest fears?" asked Crane. "Or did you just mean inventing childish puzzles and games?"

"A riddle is not a game!" snapped Nygma. "It's a riddle! And if you can't answer this one, you're an idiot!"

"I _can _answer it – I merely choose not to," retorted Crane, smiling.

"You can't do that!" shouted Nygma. "If you don't answer it, you don't know it, and I'm smarter than you!"

Crane said nothing, sipping his tea smugly. "I do know it," he repeated. "But I choose not to answer it."

"You don't know it then!" shouted Nygma, furious. "You don't, you don't, and the answer is a teabag, which I knew, which makes me smarter than you, so ha!"

"Yes, that's what I thought it was," agreed Crane, nodding.

"You did not!" he shouted. "You had no idea! You're just saying that now, but you're lying! You couldn't figure it out! I'm smarter than you! Admit it! I'm smarter than you, I'm smarter than everyone! I'm the smartest person in the world!"

"I'm sure your mother thinks so," said Crane, smiling. "But then I imagine Killer Croc's mother thinks he is, too."

"How dare you compare me to Killer Croc?!" shrieked Nygma. Lenore had been sleeping on her perch (Crane had given her a bust of Pallas to perch on, hoping she'd take to it, and to his delight, she had), but woke up at the noise, squawking loudly.

"Now you've gone and woken Lenore, Edward," sighed Crane, coming over to pet her soothingly. "There, there, my pretty, go back to sleep," he whispered. She cooed happily, shutting her eyes and ruffling her feathers, which had grown to cover her entire body.

"I have a riddle about a raven, if you'd like to hear one," said Nygma, brightening again.

"Actually, I've had quite enough of riddles for one day, thank you, Edward," replied Crane. "I suggest we find another topic of discussion."

The awkward silence descended again, which was mercifully relieved by the sound of the doorbell. "I'll get it!" said Crane, hurrying over to the door. "Even if it's Batman, I'll be grateful for the interruption…" he muttered under his breath, opening the door.

It wasn't Batman. It was Harley Quinn. "Hi, Johnny!" she exclaimed, beaming. "Hope you don't mind us dropping in, but Mr. J thought it would be nice for Lenore to meet the babies! They're good boys, and they'll play nicely…babies, no!" shrieked Harley, as her pet hyenas, Bud and Lou, suddenly knocked past her and raced into the room, heading straight for Lenore.

They had no intention of killing the bird – just playing with her. But Lenore didn't know that, so she did what any creature would do with two vicious predators racing toward her – she panicked.

She began squawking and flapping her wings desperately, and managed to flutter out of reach of the hyenas.

"Babies, sit!" cried Harley, but the hyenas were too excited with their new toy to obey her. Crane raced over to grab Lenore and bundle her into his arms, away from the hyenas' snapping jaws.

"Back off, you beasts!" he shouted.

"Babies, I'm surprised at you!" exclaimed Harley, rushing over to them and restraining them by their collars. "What would your Daddy say?"

"He'd say glad you're having fun!" chuckled the Joker, entering the room and beaming. "How ya doing, Johnny? How's the Bald Wonder?"

Lenore popped her head out and screeched in annoyance at the Joker and the hyenas. "Aw, got some feathers, huh?" said Joker, grinning at her. "But I'm guessing by that pathetic flapping performance that she can't fly yet."

"No," retorted Crane. "No, she's having a little difficulty with that. I daresay the fall from her nest gave her a phobia of heights. Quite understandable, really."

He placed Lenore carefully back on her perch. "Well, you know about natural selection, doncha, Johnny?" asked Joker, shrugging. "The strong survive, and the weak die out. Shame we have things like society and civilization and Batman getting in the way of nature taking its course. Though I guess it's lucky for you two losers!" he chuckled, nodding at Crane and Nygma.

"Sorry, Eddie, didn't mean to interrupt your visit," said Harley. She looked at Crane in surprise. "Does Jervis know you're seeing another guy?"

"We're not a couple!" shouted Crane.

"Hey, I wasn't accusing you of anything, Johnny," said Harley, shrugging. "But I know Jervis will be glad to hear it."

"I should be going anyway," said Nygma, standing up. "I have a very busy schedule at the moment."

"Oh yeah, I bet you're really busy, Eddie," said Joker, nodding. "God knows how you juggle a career and a relationship and an impressive public image and a family and a sterling reputation as Batman's greatest nemesis, and…oh wait, I forgot – you don't have any of those!"

"You won't be laughing when my latest series of riddles results in the Bat's demise, Joker," retorted Nygma, coldly. "And then everyone will realize that I am, and always have been, Batman's greatest nemesis. I am the only one who challenges him intellectually, after all. What do your stupid jokes do?"

"Oh, I dunno," sighed Joker. "I just like to take him out of his depressing self for awhile. The guy must need a break from all that brooding. I'm probably the reason he doesn't just get into a bath and slit his wrists."

"You're such a selfless guy, puddin'," cooed Harley, kissing his cheek.

A knock came on the door. "Goodness, I'm certainly popular today," said Crane, surprised.

"Must be a new experience for ya, huh, Johnny?" chuckled Joker. "People actually wanting your company?"

Crane glared at him and went to answer the door.

"Jervis!" he said, beaming. "What a pleasant surprise!"

"Uh oh, you'd better skedaddle, Eddie!" laughed Joker. "We wouldn't want to see a catfight between you and Hatty! It would just be awkward."

"Um…yes. How do you do, Edward?" asked Tetch, extending his hand. He was clearly distracted.

Joker whistled. "Wow. He's a lot more forgiving than I would be if I caught you hanging out with some other guy, pooh," said Joker, turning to Harley. "But then I am the jealous type. That's actually why I beat Robin to death, y'know. Jealous rage at him spending more time with Batsy than I did. And also because it was fun. Any of your riddles ever result in Robin's death, Eddie? I mean, it just seems to me like an ultimate nemesis would have killed at least one person close to the Bat. Maybe you can try murdering Batgirl – you might have a fighting chance against a girl. But then she is one tough dame, so maybe not."

Nygma glared at him and headed for the door. On his way past, Joker shot a leg out and tripped him, so he fell down the stairs of the apartment complex. "It's just too easy!" he giggled, as Nygma swore at him. "Still fun though. Kinda like beating Robin to death."

"We should go too, puddin'," said Harley, dragging the hyenas out by their collars. "Leave these two lovebirds to spend some time together as a couple…"

"We're not a couple!" shouted Crane.

"Though goodness knows life would be easier if we were," sighed Tetch. He seemed to suddenly notice Harley was in the room, and his eyes lit up. "Harley, yes! You'll understand! Could I have a word with you in private?" he asked.

"Sure thing, Jervis," said Harley. "Mr. J, keep hold of the babies, huh? We don't want them attacking Lenore again."

She followed Tetch out of the apartment and shut the door. "What's the trouble, Jervis?" she asked.

Tetch bit his lip nervously. "Harley, I'd like you to imagine a purely hypothetical situation in which the Joker told you…you had to kill Poison Ivy or he'd die."

"Why would he die?" asked Harley, puzzled.

"Because someone was going to kill him unless you killed Poison Ivy," retorted Tetch.

"Who?" asked Harley.

"Someone who wants him dead," retorted Tetch. "Someone who bears him a grudge and is blackmailing him."

"Nobody could ever blackmail Mr. J!" laughed Harley. "He'd fill anyone who tried full of lead!"

"It's a purely hypothetical situation, Harley," retorted Tetch. "What would you do? If you had to choose between your friend or the one you love?"

Harley shrugged. "Nobody could force me to make that choice," she said.

"What if the Joker was trying to?" he asked.

"I'd tell him to knock it off," she retorted. "I mean, I'm pretty submissive, Jervis, but if Mr. J seriously expected me to kill Red for him, it's a step too far. And I'm pretty sure he knows that, so he would never ask me to do it. If anyone ever put him in that position, I'd find out who was responsible and kick the living crap outta 'em. I think that's the only decent thing to do."

Tetch nodded slowly. "You might be right, Harley," he murmured. "Perhaps that is one sacrifice love cannot make. I suppose the danger of loving someone is that…people can do things to them to get to you. Terrible things. And they too can make you do…terrible things. But you can't destroy one type of love for another, you know. That would be nonsense."

Suddenly, they heard a roar of rage from inside the apartment, and the Joker's voice shouting, "That bird is dead!"

This was followed by several crashes and the sound of squawking. Harley threw open the door to see Crane trying to keep Lenore out of reach of both the Joker and the hyenas, who were racing around the room trying to snap at her.

"Mr. J! Babies! What's going on?" cried Harley, grabbing hold of the hyenas' collars again.

"That goddamn pigeon crapped on my new suit!" shouted the Joker, glaring at the lapel. "Look at it! It's ruined!"

"Aw, c'mon, puddin', it'll come out with a little dry cleaning," said Harley. "Or we can just get Francois to make you a new one…"

"You know how much that'll cost?!" shouted Joker. "You're paying for it, Professor! And you better keep your eye on that feathered pain in the ass, or it'll end up as food for my pets, get me?! Or maybe I'll just beat it to death with a crowbar, like I usually do to annoying birds!"

He stormed from the room. "Uh…see you later, Johnny," said Harley, smiling apologetically and following Joker, dragging Bud and Lou behind her.

"I can't say I'm disappointed in you for doing that, my precious," Crane said, replacing Lenore on her perch and petting her gently. "But you must try not to annoy the Joker. It's bad for one's health."

She cooed happily. "Now, would you like a cup of tea, Jervis?" asked Crane, turning to his friend and smiling.

"No, I…I think I'd better go," said Tetch, firmly.

"What? But you've only just arrived…" said Crane, confused.

"Yes, and I'm terribly sorry to rush off, but I have pressing business to attend to, you understand, Jonathan," said Tetch. "Late for a very important date and all that…I shall see you soon."

He hurried from the room. Crane looked after him in puzzlement, sighed, and then turned back to Lenore. "Come, my beauty, let's try helping you fly again."


	7. Chapter 7

Tetch knocked on the door, and it was answered a moment later by Alice's husband, Billy Dodgson. "Jervis!" he said, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to speak to you about the regrettable position you've been placed in," replied Tetch. "And now the regrettable position we've both been placed in."

"Yes. Yes, come in," said Billy, slowly, holding open the door. "I told…Alice not to bother you..."

"I think it only right that she did bother me," retorted Tetch. "It concerns me, after all."

"No, Jervis, it concerns me and my family," retorted Billy. "And I'm going to take care of them."

"And how exactly are you planning on doing that?" asked Tetch.

Billy said nothing, but opened the door to the living room to reveal Batman standing there.

Tetch stared at him. Batman stared back. Then he extended his hand. "Hello, Mr. Tetch," he murmured.

"H…hello," stammered Tetch, shaking his hand cautiously.

"Congratulations on your rehabilitation," continued Batman. "It's a shame all this unpleasantness had to come along to ruin it."

"Oh…well…I'm not sure it has ruined it," said Tetch, slowly. "I mean, you're here now and you can probably handle the miscreants responsible…"

Batman and Billy shared a look. "And who do you believe is responsible, Mr. Tetch?" asked Batman.

"I…don't know," he stammered. "That's what I came to ask Mr. Dodgson…"

"You think Mr. Dodgson knows?" interrupted Batman.

"Um…yes. Why…why wouldn't he?" asked Tetch, puzzled.

"What exactly have you been told, Mr. Tetch?" asked Batman.

"Alice told me that…you had gotten mixed up with a bad crowd…that they were blackmailing you…" said Tetch, slowly.

"Alice told you that?" repeated Billy. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. She came to see me with Catherine. She was very distressed…"

Batman studied him carefully. "I think he's telling the truth," he murmured. "Or he thinks he is."

"Of course I'm telling the truth!" exclaimed Tetch. "Why would I make something like that up?!"

Billy let out a sigh of relief. "You see, I told you, Batman, he doesn't intend any harm!" he said. "I told you he was a changed man, and that I trusted him! Batman thought you had reverted to your old ways, and that you were after Alice and Catherine again, so he made up this plan to protect them…"

"I…don't understand," stammered Tetch.

"Alice and Catherine have, after my insistence that their lives were in danger by an outside force, been taken to a safe location," explained Batman. "They've been there three weeks now."

Tetch stared at him. "No," he stammered. "No, no…they're at my house."

Batman shook his head. "No. That's Clayface."

"Clayface?" repeated Tetch. "Why…why would he impersonate them?"

"I told him to," retorted Batman. "I sent him."

"You?" gasped Tetch. "Why…would you do that?"

Batman looked at him. "Because I didn't believe you were cured," he said. "I was monitoring you, and I saw you visiting your old friends in Arkham and I thought…given the opportunity and the motive, you would return to your old ways. I wanted to be sure you really were sane. So I had to test it."

"Test it?" repeated Tetch. "By…by making Clayface impersonate the people I love…by asking me to kill Jonathan…"

"Kill Jonathan?" said Batman, surprised. "I never asked you to do that."

"Well, Alice…Clayface did!" shouted Tetch, suddenly furious. "Perhaps you shouldn't have sent a lunatic to do your bidding! You think this was a heroic thing to do, do you?! Playing with my emotions and forcing me to make the hardest decision of my life…"

"I had to be sure you were cured!" shouted Batman.

"Dr. Leland certified me as sane!" shouted Tetch. "It was her job to judge me, and no one else's! Certainly not yours!"

"If you had seen half as many so-called cured lunatics as I have…" began Batman.

"That's no excuse!" shouted Tetch. "You know that's no excuse! You had no right to set this up – you had no right to do any of this! I might have killed Jonathan, and his blood would have been on your head! And you dare to judge me as insane?! You?!"

He choked out a laugh. "I have never in my life heard such complete and utter…nonsense!" he shouted. "But of course you don't believe in rehabilitation or redemption or curing oneself, when night after night you doom yourself to the same endless cycle! Your insane pattern of darkness and violence which you never want to give up, so you can't understand why anyone else might! Why anyone else might want to move on with their lives and stop playing these ridiculously childish games! Oh, you and the Joker are the same kind of man, although you'll never admit it! Why don't you just grow up and stop pretending to be the hero in your head, and start taking responsibility for your actions, just like the rest of us?!"

He whirled around and stormed from the room. "Where are you going?" demanded Batman.

"If Clayface wants Jonathan dead, there must be a reason," snapped Tetch. "I'm going to find out what it is, and I'm going to make him see sense. I'd ask you to come along, but you're in no position to deal out advice on sanity, are you?!"

He gave Batman an utterly contemptible glare and slammed the door. Batman stared after him. "I have to go after him," he muttered, heading for the door. "He can't stop Clayface on his own, especially if he decides to be violent. I shouldn't have trusted Karlo in the first place; he is an amazing actor, after all, but I didn't think I had a choice. I couldn't actually put Alice and Catherine at risk…but I was so sure…I was so certain the moment Tetch was offered the possibility of having Alice…he would return to being the Mad Hatter."

"I hate to contradict you, Batman, but I think if he had been able to have Alice, the Mad Hatter would never have existed," murmured Billy. "I think you're wrong about Jervis. He's not a madman at heart. His true nature is good and noble and sane, and it was an unfortunate situation that drove him mad. But he's cured now. And if he returns to madness after this, it will be your fault."

Batman said nothing, leaving the room and closing the door behind him.


	8. Chapter 8

Jonathan Crane was startled by a knock on his door. "Goodness, that's the fifth visitor this day!" he exclaimed, looking up from his book and glancing at Lenore. "I blame you, my pretty – I was never this popular before."

Lenore chirped contentedly as he petted her before opening the door. If he had been surprised by any of his visitors before, it was nothing compared to this. "Alice?"

"Hello, Professor Crane, have you seen Jervis?" asked Alice. She was wringing her hands, shaken and nervous. "He hasn't come back home, and I'm so worried…"

"He was here earlier," said Crane. "But only briefly, then he ran off. Something about being late for a very important date. I assumed it was something to do with you…"

"No…no, I dunno where he is!" Alice sobbed, and she burst into tears. Crane was surprised, but ushered her inside, gesturing to a seat in front of the fire.

"Now, now, my dear, we'll sort this out," he said, patting her hand. "Why don't I pour you a cup of tea and then…"

But he was cut off as Lenore suddenly began squawking and flapping her wings violently. "My precious, what is it?" he asked, turning to her and frowning. There was fear and panic in her eyes, and Crane came over to comfort her. "What is it, my beauty?" he whispered, petting her and trying to calm her down. It didn't work – she just kept flapping her wings and cawing at Alice.

"I'm sorry, my dear, she's never done this before…" began Crane, but at that moment, Lenore flew off the perch and began clawing at Alice's face.

"My precious, no!" shouted Crane, rushing over to pull her away. "Stop it!"

He ripped Lenore off Alice, but was shocked to see, instead of blood on her face, blobs of clay. The realization struck him in an instant.

"You…" he gasped, but with a roar of frustration, Alice transformed in front of his eyes into the monster Clayface.

"That little runt is dead!" he shouted, transforming an arm into a hammer and lashing out at Lenore. She fluttered out of harm's way, and Crane seized her in his arms and held her protectively against him.

"What are you doing here, Basil?" he demanded. "Why the disguise?"

"Like you don't know, Professor!" sneered Clayface.

"I don't!" shouted Crane, as Clayface struck at him. "We haven't spoken in months! Since the last time you were in Arkham…"

"Yeah, and what happened last time I was in Arkham, Professor?" demanded Clayface.

"I…don't remember," said Crane.

"You do!" hissed Clayface. "_I _do! We were all in the Rec Room, and they were showing _The Terror _on TV! You remember _The Terror_?! The film that I starred in?! The film that made my name and my career?! And do you remember what you said about it?!"

"No…I…I think I was reading a book," stammered Crane. "I wasn't even paying attention to the film…"

"Maybe not, but you still had to put in your two cents," growled Clayface. "You looked up from your book and said, and I quote, 'This dialogue could have been written by a child.'"

Crane stared at him. "Well, I…imagine it could have…"

"It was outstanding dialogue!" shouted Clayface. "Delivered in an emotionally compelling way from an emotionally complex character! It was the performance of a lifetime! It was a role that Olivier couldn't have bettered! My character was three dimensional, with a heart-tugging backstory and realistic development!"

"Weren't you…the monster?" asked Crane, slowly. "In a relatively low budget horror movie? I didn't think B-movies were known for their gripping dialogue…"

"It was not a B-movie!" roared Clayface. "I am _not _a B-movie actor! Everyone praised my performance in that film! Everyone! Except you. What do you know about gripping dialogue or acting, I'd like to know?! Nothing. You just presume to criticize! Everyone's a critic, aren't they?! Well, you're gonna die for it!"

"Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit…" began Crane, but Clayface swung at him again, and he dodged out of the way. "I thought actors were meant to be able to take criticism!" he shouted.

"They don't have to when they're ten foot monsters!" shouted Clayface.

"I suppose you have a point," agreed Crane, ducking as Clayface's arm pounded the wall behind him. "But what will killing me solve?"

"It'll make me feel a lot better!" retorted Clayface.

Crane sighed. "Can't argue with that," he muttered, dodging another blow. "Reasoning is clearly useless – time to start fighting violence with violence."

He grabbed the teapot from the table and threw it at Clayface. The scalding water hit him in the face and he howled as he began to melt, steam rising off him. "Need more water," muttered Crane, racing toward the bathroom. A blow from Clayface suddenly knocked him to the ground. As Clayface raised his fist, Lenore flew up into Clayface's face and began attacking him. She pecked and scratched at him violently, shrieking in rage. Clayface tried to swat her away, but she flew in between his arms, continuing to peck at him. He finally managed to slam an arm into her, knocking her against the wall. Crane had by this time regained his feet and raced into the bathroom, grabbing the showerhead from the wall, turning on the water, and pointing it directly at Clayface.

"Now get out of here, Basil, or I swear to God I'll turn you into a puddle of mud," he hissed.

Clayface growled but backed away from the running water, heading toward the door. He opened it and suddenly came face to face with Jervis Tetch and Batman.

"We had a deal, Karlo," growled Batman. "And you broke it."

Clayface grinned and shrugged. "C'mon, Bats, I was never doing it for you," he said. "I was doing it to give the performance of a lifetime, which I did. Talk about emotional complexity! The character I created had it all – torn between two men, the one she had married and still loved, but was making her life hell through a terrible misfortune, and the one who had always loved her, and wanted nothing more than to see her happy. Quite the compelling situation, don't you think?"

"You kissed me," retorted Tetch, glaring at him.

Clayface snorted. "I was in character, like all great actors. Anyway, take what you can get, freak."

"Pot to the kettle," snapped Tetch.

"Are you coming quietly, Karlo, or will I have to freeze you?" asked Batman, reaching for a pellet in his belt.

"What, back to Arkham with the rest of the freaks?" sneered Clayface. "Yeah, I guess. But you'll have to take me and the Professor back separately, or I might try to kill him. Not to mention this freak," he said, nodding at Tetch.

"Mr. Tetch will not be going back to Arkham," retorted Batman. "He's a sane man."

"Really? I thought this whole act was because you didn't believe in his so-called sanity," retorted Clayface.

Batman looked from Tetch to Clayface and back. "I was wrong," he muttered.

"Say it a little louder, please," snapped Tetch.

"I was wrong," repeated Batman. "I'm not ashamed to own up to that. I'm a detective, but a detective can make mistakes. According to all the evidence I had to hand, Mr. Tetch was about to return to his old ways and harm those people. Everything I did, I did in the belief that I was protecting an innocent family. Many times I've been too late to protect the innocent, and the only action I can take is to bring the ones who harm them to justice. I didn't want to be too late this time. So I acted, and I made a mistake. It happens."

"I'm glad you can exonerate yourself like that," retorted Tetch. "Rationalize and excuse your behavior, like all true psychopaths. But then I imagine you're used to doing that, when all you do is beat up the mentally ill night after night. I imagine that's how you continue to live with yourself."

Batman glared at him. "I did what I judged to be right…" he began.

"Then I'd reconsider very carefully what you believe to be right," interrupted Tetch. "I don't think any man does things he believes to be wrong. But sometimes a man's definition of right is wrong, if you see what I mean. And I think while perhaps your intentions have always been right, your methods for achieving them have always been wrong. The road to hell is paved with your good intentions, Batman. The road to my own personal hell very nearly was."

Crane had rushed over to see to Lenore, who was chirping softly. "How is she?" asked Tetch, coming over to his friend.

"I think she's all right," he whispered, stroking her. "A broken wing, but give it time and a little care, and it will heal. You did such a very good job flying, my pretty," he whispered, petting her gently. "I'm so very proud of you."

Lenore chirped happily, nestling into his arms. "I'll come with him to Arkham, if I may," said Tetch, turning to Batman. "As a visitor, who will leave whenever he pleases. I'm not going back there as a patient ever again, and I don't care if you believe that or not."

Batman nodded slowly. "Yes, Mr. Tetch," he murmured. "I do believe that."


	9. Chapter 9

"Come, my beauty, I know you can do it," murmured Crane several weeks later. Lenore was perched between the bars on the windowsill of his cell, and was looking at him in confusion. "You've flown before, and you can do it again. Your wing's all healed, and you don't need me anymore. You need to fly away and be free."

Lenore cheeped in puzzlement, and hopped back over to him. "No, you need to go," he said, pushing her gently back through the bars. "Birds don't belong in cages. Anymore than people do," he sighed, glancing forlornly around his cell. "But some of us can fly away, and some of us can't. And it would terribly selfish for those of us who can't fly to imprison those who can. You must fly away, my pretty. For my own sake."

Lenore chirped sadly, hopping through the bars again and nuzzling against his hand. "Oh, my precious, I'm going to miss you too," he whispered, stroking her softly. "But I have to let you go, don't you see? If you love something, you must let it go. And I never thought I could love something again, you know. You've given me the hope that someday I can. If I can care for a pet as deeply as I care for you…well, it's a start anyway."

Lenore cooed. "Go," he whispered. "Please. It will make me so happy to see you fly."

She nodded, hopping to the edge of the sill. She glanced back at him and chirped fondly, and then spread her wings and leapt off. A moment later she rose up into the sky, flying away until she was no more than a speck on the horizon.

Crane sighed heavily, moving away from the window and sitting back down on his bed. "Alone again, naturally," he muttered, reaching for his book.

"A man who has love is never truly alone," said a voice. Crane looked up in surprise to see Jervis Tetch outside his cell, smiling at him.

"Jervis! I didn't know you were planning a visit!" he exclaimed, beaming and opening the door to his cell. "My day is quite brightened up."

"That's rewarding to hear," said Tetch, taking a seat opposite him.

"Tea?" asked Crane, gesturing to the kettle.

"Do you need to ask?" replied Tetch, grinning.

"How are Alice and Billy and Catherine?" asked Crane as he boiled the kettle. "Is everything all right between you all again?"

"Oh yes, everything's wonderful," said Tetch, nodding. "Alice was quite cross with Billy when he explained Batman's plan, and how he was complicit in it. But I persuaded her to forgive him. Not that I have forgiven Batman, nor do I ever intend to. But Alice was simply mortified, and even though I've assured her I don't blame any of them for what happened, she's insisted on trying to make amends by having me round to see Catherine every single day. Which I'm not at all averse to," he added.

Crane nodded. "I am very glad to hear it," he said, sincerely.

"Did you manage to smooth things over with Clayface?" asked Tetch, taking the mug Crane handed to him.

"Oh, not really," sighed Crane. "But he's found a new person to plot revenge on. When the Joker heard about why he was after my blood, he got his hands on a copy of _The Terror_, and set about thoroughly mocking it in Basil's presence. I suppose Joker hated the thought of me annoying anyone more than he did. You know he hates being second best."

"Things are back to normal then," said Tetch.

"As normal as they ever are around here," agreed Crane.

"And Lenore is…"

"Healed. And gone," said Crane. "As she should be. I have no right to keep her. I never did. I helped her, but she has to fly on her own now. Still, I can't deny it's…harder than I thought it would be."

Tetch nodded slowly. "I was hoping to say goodbye, but I'm glad you didn't put it off," he said. "It's only harder when you do."

He was silent. "I think that's the ultimate test of love, you know," he murmured. "The willingness to let something go for the sake of its own happiness. We can't always protect those we love, and perhaps that's a good thing. They can only grow stronger with independence, and the knowledge that they will always have our support and our love to fall back on, should they need it. I imagine that's what it's like being a parent."

"I don't think either of us will ever know what that's like, Jervis," murmured Crane.

Tetch smiled. "Never say never, Jonathan," he murmured, clapping him on the back. "I daresay nobody ever really thought I could ever be cured. But impossible things are happening every day."

He stood up. "I'll visit again soon."

"I will look forward to it," replied Crane. "As always."

Tetch smiled, and abruptly hugged him tightly. "Until next time, my friend," he whispered.

He left the cell with a tip of his hat. Crane sat back down, alone but not lonely. He missed his friend, and he missed Lenore, but he was happy that they were both free, and he hoped to join them someday. It might be an impossible hope, but for a lunatic, the impossible and the possible were very difficult to distinguish.

He picked up his book again when he suddenly heard a familiar chirping on his windowsill. He turned to see Lenore hopping back inside, shaking the rain off her feathers. She cheeped happily at him and then flew over to perch on his shoulder, settling down comfortably and shutting her eyes to sleep.

Crane stroked her gently, unbelievably happy. "You came back," he whispered. She cheeped again, nuzzling against him. "Yes, I suppose freedom can be overrated," he murmured, smiling at her. "And perhaps a cage is not so bad when you're locked up with a friend."

He petted her gently and smiled, returning his attention to his book.

**The End**


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